Just a thought, but how about an apology to the babies (now adults) that ended up being adopted by people who were considered 'decent', just because they held nice middle-class jobs.? A potential male adopter who was a teacher was 'waived through' by a magistrate. Nobody thought to enquire if the mother was fit to adopt, whether she'd had help to overcome the reasons she couldn't give birth, etc.-blah. Cruel for her, certainly cruel for the child they'd adopted, who was eventually diagnosed as being Autistic, a condition that she sought to 'control' via extreme-violence. I'm not blaming any individual here, the whole process was, albeit by today's societal norms and values, staggeringly cruel and arrogant.
Thankfully, I forgave my my adoptive mother and as adults, we had a great relationship (it is so much easier to like somebody when they're not beating you with a .... etc-blah). I knew she hadn't been in control of her mental health for decades and was impressed that once she eventually managed to be in control of it, she had the decency to apologize. However, for other adoptees, things were sadly much worse than my example. Children abused in a myriad of ways by psychopathic adopter-parents who, because they were 'one of us' were able to project a veneer of 'respectability' that allowed them to adopt babies. I could go on as like many Autists, I 'babble-type'. However, I'll sign off by saying I reckon the above deserves and apology also. Personally, I'm not bothered, what is done is done, but for many others in my situation (and many in much worse situations) it would perhaps mean quite a lot.
Agree Tansley92. Thankfully I have managed to adopt a culture that I am most definitely connected to (hiraeth in Welsh). The lack of medical history is an issue now that I'm 60 plus and having that that would be useful for my children and grandchildren to know about. Bing Autistic has in some ways made it easier to forgive I think, for reasons I won't bore you with here. Also thankfully, I got on well with my adopter Father and cared for him for 16 yrs., and enjoyed doing so, (even though it screwed my mental and physical health). Yes he was also culpable in some ways by allowing the violence to go ahead (he did intervene sometimes) but I think he was scared of my mother as well! Ah well, excrement occurs and we owe it to ourselves to forgive and enjoy life.
Thanks for responding, you raise very pertinent points.
As with those poor women, who more than rightfully deserve an apology, so do adoptees because we lost them, our mothers, who we had every human right to be nurtured and loved by. We also lost the human right to enjoy the normal and, in the laws of nature, the bonding, attunement, and attachment processes, aka the dyadic dance. We lost our ancestry, our heritage, our home, our identity, our name, our medical history, and for some their culture. Personal experience, research and testimonies from others indicates that, many adopted babies, traumatised by seperation, attachment, loss and grief, were adopted by parents who, for many varied reasons, were unable to provide the stability, love and compassion for a baby in mourning for the right but lost mother. We all deserve an apology.
Glad you managed to forgive - not always easy.